ART-O-RAMA

A ONE ACT

PLAY                                                                                                                                   

Scene One

(Inside the Bungalow home of Todd and Cindi Bowers in an old retro-chic neighborhood.)

Todd:  "I’m going to Bartlett & Adams for potting soil and picking up Jason at Quidditch. Have you seen the Prius keys?"

Cindi: "They’re by the zither where you left them. Oh, can you stop by that new Indonesian market and get fresh cilantro. Melissa and Eric are coming for dinner tomorrow and I want to surprise them with Pod Scum Dass."

Todd (irritated)  "I am so over those two. Ever since Melissa got implants, she’s been acting holier than thou. And all Eric does is drone on about his latest iphone app. (over his shoulder as he exits right) Ok, see you in a couple."

Cindi (goes to the door and calls loudly) "Todd, wait! We’re out of art! Can you stop by Art-O-Rama and get a couple of new pieces. You know how much Melissa loves art."

Scene Two

(Todd and Jason enter sprawling Art-O-Rama store.)

Todd: "We can’t stay long. Mom wants us home for dinner. (looks down aisle of framed paintings) That’s odd. Action paintings used to be here. Ask that stocker where they moved them."

Jason (to stock boy) "Excuse me, where are the action paintings?"

Stock boy (without looking up)   "Aisle 15. Next to analytical cubism."

(in aisle 15 Todd quickly selects two paintings. He and Jason hurry through the express lane and just make it home in time for dinner)

Scene Three

(dinner over, Cindi goes to the multi-media room to hang the new art work)

Cindi (agitated voice) "Honey, they’ve shrunk the art! Come look! (Todd joins Cindi) See what I mean…these action paintings are a full two inches shorter than the last one we got."

Todd: "And look! There’s even less paint on them and only six colors. I paid $6,000.00 for these. What a rip-off!"

Cindi (looking worried)   "We have to do something. Melissa will see it right away. You know how discerning she is. She’s been to MoMA."

Todd (scratching head) "Maybe we can hang the impressionist landscape that’s in the laundry room."

Cindi: "No, it won’t do. Artists who paint nature as they see it are living a lie."

Todd: "How about the Chardin still-life in the garage?"

Cindi (irate) "No, no, you idiot! French genre art is so passé. It has to be ‘50’s action painting, New York School, painted by someone who drank at the Cedar Bar. Now take these back and exchange them!"

Scene Four

(later that evening Todd returns from Art-O-Rama with one huge painting. Straining under the weight, he drags the piece into the multi-media room)

Todd (leans the massive painting against the wall and smiles broadly) "We’re in luck. The Art-O-Rama manager himself waited on me. (points at the signature) Look! Mikhail Gorky! Arshile’s brother. He once got into a fist fight with Willem de Kooning. Cedar Bar. 1952. Lots of action. And it only cost $15,000.00!"

Cindi (hugs Todd excitedly) "Mikhail Gorky! Oh Todd, I’m so excited! Just wait ‘til Melissa sees this. She will have a kitten!"