For years, I’ve avoided the country’s popular obsession with lists – The 100 Richest People In The World, The 50 Most Popular Athletes, The 10 Worst Dictators. But a compromised immune system has lately made me vulnerable to this creeping affliction.Yesterday, in a moment of weakness, I compiled my own list – Twenty-five Things About Me That May Have Absolutely No Interest To You.
1. I cannot put my pants on with the left leg first.
2. Once in college I existed on Nestle’s Crunch candy bars for a week.
3. In 1968 I almost voted for Richard Nixon.
4. I’ve never been inside a Wal-Mart.
5. I missed the Allman Brothers free 1969 performance in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park.
6. I hate visual blandness.
7. I once sold baby food to Lisa Marie Presley
8. I’ve always wanted to own an aluminum-bodied Alfa Romeo Tubolare Zagato.
9. My mother’s hysterectomy kept me out of the War in Viet Nam.
10. As a child, I prayed for the Brooklyn Dodgers every night.
11. I have a pair of shoes older than my next door neighbor.
12. I participated in the last official panty raid at the University of Florida.
13. I’m attracted to women who ride horses to work.
14. I’ve had a stuffed cardboard box marked “miscellaneous” for most of my adult life.
15. I now have a stuffed folder marked “miscellaneous” on my computer hard-drive.
16. Seventh Day Adventists tried to convert me on a sheep farm in the South of France.
17. I sat with 15,000 Buddhists in Madison Square Garden.
18. I cannot bring myself to get rid of vinyl records I haven’t played in twelve years.
19. I once went to a Porsche Club meeting disguised as a German race car driver.
20. I made money for awhile catching and selling gopher turtles for $1.00 each.
21. I have an autograph of baseball pitcher Sal “The Barber” Maglie.
22. In 1980 I rode a bicycle around Stone Mountain, Georgia.
23. I had a stray cat in Atlanta named organ meat.
24. A side of beef once fell on me.
25. I eat well with either hand.
1. I cannot put my pants on with the left leg first.
2. Once in college I existed on Nestle’s Crunch candy bars for a week.
3. In 1968 I almost voted for Richard Nixon.
4. I’ve never been inside a Wal-Mart.
5. I missed the Allman Brothers free 1969 performance in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park.
6. I hate visual blandness.
7. I once sold baby food to Lisa Marie Presley
8. I’ve always wanted to own an aluminum-bodied Alfa Romeo Tubolare Zagato.
9. My mother’s hysterectomy kept me out of the War in Viet Nam.
10. As a child, I prayed for the Brooklyn Dodgers every night.
11. I have a pair of shoes older than my next door neighbor.
12. I participated in the last official panty raid at the University of Florida.
13. I’m attracted to women who ride horses to work.
14. I’ve had a stuffed cardboard box marked “miscellaneous” for most of my adult life.
15. I now have a stuffed folder marked “miscellaneous” on my computer hard-drive.
16. Seventh Day Adventists tried to convert me on a sheep farm in the South of France.
17. I sat with 15,000 Buddhists in Madison Square Garden.
18. I cannot bring myself to get rid of vinyl records I haven’t played in twelve years.
19. I once went to a Porsche Club meeting disguised as a German race car driver.
20. I made money for awhile catching and selling gopher turtles for $1.00 each.
21. I have an autograph of baseball pitcher Sal “The Barber” Maglie.
22. In 1980 I rode a bicycle around Stone Mountain, Georgia.
23. I had a stray cat in Atlanta named organ meat.
24. A side of beef once fell on me.
25. I eat well with either hand.
