Sunday, March 22, 2009

In Case You Missed, A List

For years, I’ve avoided the country’s popular obsession with lists – The 100 Richest People In The World, The 50 Most Popular Athletes, The 10 Worst Dictators. But a compromised immune system has lately made me vulnerable to this creeping affliction.

Yesterday, in a moment of weakness, I compiled my own list – Twenty-five Things About Me That May Have Absolutely No Interest To You.

1. I cannot put my pants on with the left leg first.
2. Once in college I existed on Nestle’s Crunch candy bars for a week.
3. In 1968 I almost voted for Richard Nixon.
4. I’ve never been inside a Wal-Mart.
5. I missed the Allman Brothers free 1969 performance in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park.
6. I hate visual blandness.
7. I once sold baby food to Lisa Marie Presley
8. I’ve always wanted to own an aluminum-bodied Alfa Romeo Tubolare Zagato.
9. My mother’s hysterectomy kept me out of the War in Viet Nam.
10. As a child, I prayed for the Brooklyn Dodgers every night.
11. I have a pair of shoes older than my next door neighbor.
12. I participated in the last official panty raid at the University of Florida.
13. I’m attracted to women who ride horses to work.
14. I’ve had a stuffed cardboard box marked “miscellaneous” for most of my adult life.
15. I now have a stuffed folder marked “miscellaneous” on my computer hard-drive.
16. Seventh Day Adventists tried to convert me on a sheep farm in the South of France.
17. I sat with 15,000 Buddhists in Madison Square Garden.
18. I cannot bring myself to get rid of vinyl records I haven’t played in twelve years.
19. I once went to a Porsche Club meeting disguised as a German race car driver.
20. I made money for awhile catching and selling gopher turtles for $1.00 each.
21. I have an autograph of baseball pitcher Sal “The Barber” Maglie.
22. In 1980 I rode a bicycle around Stone Mountain, Georgia.
23. I had a stray cat in Atlanta named organ meat.
24. A side of beef once fell on me.
25. I eat well with either hand.

1 comment:

Sheree Rensel said...

Oh Denis!
This list made me laugh and laugh. It came at the perfect time. I have been on Twitter lately and have become hyper conscious of irrelevant facts of everyone's life. I came to this conclusion because I see constant "TWEETS" about stupid things. I hate that. However, it taught me a grand lesson. I have come to the conclusion that my life is full of facts that nobody really cares about. I too could make a list of bizarre experiences and thoughts. Yeah, I almost died at a Rolling Stones concert. So?????? Who cares???
All this reminds me of oral histories. Maybe nobody cares, but we really need to document it anyway!
Ahhhhhhhh. Excuse me??? Number three is quite disturbing!!!

"3. In 1968 I almost voted for Richard Nixon."